I spank my child.
There. I said it. It's out in the open. Go ahead, CALL CHILD SERVICES!
Yes, our disciplinary technique incorporates spanking, and it has since Emma was old enough to stick her fingers in outlets and chew on power cords. There was no "talking it out" with my nine month old about why she shouldn't put power cords in her mouth. There was a firm "NO", followed by a swat on the hand if she didn't listen the first time, and that pattern has followed us into toddlerhood. Now don't get me wrong, I'm a firm believer that children should be allowed to make mistakes, because that's how they learn. But, when they're doing something that could put them in danger or they're acting in a way that will eventually affect their ability to be a normal, functioning adult
(i.e. temper tantrums in Wal-Mart, deliberate disobedience, hitting another child, etc.), I believe that most of the time more than a time out is in order.
I'm not saying I beat my child black and blue or I spank her to the point of causing her extreme physical harm. I am not a monster. But, Emma knows that if the words, "If you don't quit, I'm going to spank you" pass my lips, that I am
NOT kidding. Usually I just have to utter the phrase, and she straightens right up or quits what she's doing, but not all the time, because she's almost 2 1/2 and her new thing is to "exert her will" for us. It's awesome. Here's an example:
Yesterday, on our way home from running errands, I got Emma a Happy Meal to eat in the car. She kept asking for the toy, and I told her, "You have to eat some of your chicken before you can have the toy".
After a few french fries, I handed her a chicken nugget and said, "You need to eat all of this chicken before you can have your toy".
She looked right at me and said, "No! I don't want to eat chicken."
I said, "Emma, if you don't eat the chicken, then no toy?"
She continued to glare at me and said, "No! I'm not going to eat chicken!" with as much attitude as she could muster.
I glanced back at her and said, "Emma, if you don't start eating that chicken, I AM going to spank you."
Emma began to cry and then she yelled, "No!"
So, I proceeded to pull the car over at the first available location. I got out of the car, walked around to her door, opened it, and gave her a firm swat on the leg. She, of course, began to cry and I said, "Emma, you need to do what I ask you to do when I ask you to do it. We don't tell Mommy no."
She said, "Okay", and I got back in the car and continued to drive home. You know what happened, she ate
EVERY bite of that chicken nugget. It only took one swat and the wisdom I've learned to follow through on what I say I'm going to do, and that issue was resolved...in five minutes.
I'm not saying that I'm the perfect parent, and I'm not saying that today Emma won't try the same scenario in a different situation. But, I feel that as long as my husband and I are consistent, then hopefully the swats will get less and less, and she will learn to listen to what we say the first time we say it. I also know that spanking is not appropriate for every child. For instance, I was hardly ever spanked as a child, because I was so tender hearted. All my mom or dad had to do was raise their voice at me, and I was in tears and would immediately stop whatever bad behavior I was doing. I was an easy child, but my sister, Randi was not! She was always getting spanked and/or grounded! No amount of discipline and no specific type of discipline seemed to work for her, but my parents were still consistent, and Randi eventually matured into the strong young woman she is today. She will even be the first one to tell you that some of her behavior as a child and a teenager gave my parents fits!
I think that's the thing about discipline, sometimes when you have a particularly strong willed child, it may seem like nothing is working and you're not getting through to them. But, I believe that if the parents are consistent, that child will mature into a fine adult who will respect their parents for the discipline that they received. I know my sister does.
In addition to disciplining Emma in way that work for her, my husband and I also base on discipline method from Scripture:
"Whoever heeds discipline shows the way to life,
but whoever ignores correction leads others astray. "
(Proverbs 10:17 NIV)
"Whoever spares the rod hates their children,
but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them."
(Proverbs 13:24 NIV)
"Folly is bound up in the heart of a child,
but the rod of discipline will drive it far away."
(Proverbs 22:15 NIV)
"Discipline your children, and they will give you peace;
they will bring you the delights you desire."
(Proverbs 29:17 NIV)
These are some of the Scriptures we have bound to our hearts and we try everyday to apply to our parenting. We want Emma to grow up loving the Lord and serving Him with her whole heart, and we know that disciplining her and teaching her self-control and self-discipline is the best way to point her to a life that honors Christ.
So, now that you know my dirty little secret, you may be thinking, "What's so bad about that?!" Well, the truth is that society has placed a terrible stigma on spanking. Those of us who use physcial discipline to curb our children's behavior are often times made out to be child abusers. I know they're are some people who do take disciplining their children to an extreme, and in my opinion, those parents who intentionally break their children's limbs or kill their children as a result of "disciplining" them should be subjected to the same type of punishment themselves. But, just like everyone who eats McDonald's isn't suddenly obese, not everyone who uses physical discipline is out to harm their children. I think that every situation is different, and the best thing we can do is let parents be parents. Unless, they have a history of physically harming their child or another human being, I don't believe parents should be hung out to dry for choosing to swat over 'talking it out", and I don't believe that every child who has ever been spanked will suffer from emotional trauma: I don't and neither does my husband. I think emotional trauma in regards to "spanking", actually results from deeper emotional and physical abuse and should not be compared to those situations where a swat on the leg was issued for bad behavior. This is just how I feel about it, and it is this opinion that has helped me choose the best way to discipline
MY child. But, like I said, every situation is different.
No, we aren't perfect. We fail everyday! There are things we let slide that we probably shouldn't, and we are as guilty as anyone else of trying to have a "conversation" with a two year old about why she shouldn't be doing what she's doing, just so we don't have to spank her. But, with Emma, we have learned that "conversations" don't usually work, but that time-outs and spankings do get the point across. Of course, everyday is a series of trials and errors, but in hearts we know we are doing what's best for her. We also know that our next child could be completely different! And we will, of course, take that in stride when that day comes. But, for now, my #1 job is to be the best mom I can be to Emma! And to me that means loving her unconditionally, giving her every opportunity possible to succeed, and disciplining her when she needs it.